Monday, April 25, 2011

I'm Such a Chicken, You Can Cover Me In Shake n' Bake and Cook me in the Oven

     My entire life I have always been a big giant chicken. I am paranoid and jumpy with everything. I would say that I am afraid of the dark, but its not as exclusive as that. I am just afraid period. Being by myself during the day is considerably better than at night, but I am still scared during the DAY. Yes you heard me....daytime.
     During the day I am more afraid of people trying to break in and kidnap me and at night its both people and "monsters." I ALWAYS feel like someone is watching me somehow and it creeps me out. Especially when i'm in darkness. I always feel like there is some ugly demonic face getting closer to mine as I sleep or walk across a dark room. I can't even take a shower or wash my face without having a mini panic attack.
     I am so paranoid that while my eyes are clenched shut due to the soap covering my face, I am freaking out in my mind. I'm thinking that whatever it is, is using my vulnerability of having my eyesight temporarily disabled to sneak up on me and grab me. You all may think i'm ridiculous, but I now have a technique to washing my face so I can still see......I just wash one side of my face at a time so that one eye is still open. Crazy you say? You would think that, but your judgment will be short lived one you are getting attacked by a mutilated corpse that had risen from the dead to kill you!
    I have always been like this, but the reason my fears got to the point of being out of control was because my wonderful dad and fantastic sister (I wish there was a sarcasm font) decided it would be fun to play off my fears of being murdered by ghosts, zombies, aliens etc. I was only five and my dad would hide under my bed and try and grab my feet as I got into bed, sending me screaming from my room and into his bed where he would suffer all night by me pretty much wedging myself between him and the mattress. They would scratch at my window in the middle of the night and tell me the scariest stories they could come up with. My sister even made me sit through the movies Leprechaun and Chucky, which I know are extremely corny, but to a five year old its terrifying.
    It doesn't help that I have an extremely over-active imagination. I will NOT EVRRRRR watch scary movies. If I do I wont be able to function alone properly. I don't need movies to feed my psycho fear processing mind. I think of the most effed up scenarios and monsters on my own. At this very moment I am alone at home and I heard a noise at the front of the house and I keep glancing at my bedroom doorway, expecting a man with half his head blown off and no lips creeping into my room making nasty gurgling noises and licking his bloody teeth with a rotting black slimy tongue thats oozing puss. Yeah and he wants to kill me slowly and painfully. Good thing my demon fighting cat is here to protect me. God only knows what I would do without her.
     That being said.....I am going to go check that all my doors are locked and my windows are secure. I'm sure glad my fiance packed us a zombie apocalypse survival food pack. =]

Noodle Cakes

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

My job is interesting....

 So I got a job at a little coffee shop a few months ago in my hometown. Let me tell you that so far my experience working here has been.....well....for better lack of a word, interesting. The place is actually very nice to hang out and have a cup of coffee or a sandwich, but on occasion you run into some really weird people.
I have noticed more and more, that crazy or just plain strange people, like to hang out at coffee joints. I really have no idea why, but they do. Of course not everyone is a crazy lunatic. Some of them are just obnoxious idiots that think they are funny, others are snobs or just super anal about everything. The other percent is made up of the "normal" everyday person.
I want to smack half of the customers that walk in. I actually had a guy argue with me about my own heritage once.
Customer: "You look like you have some Italian in you."
Me: "Oh, no, i'm not Italian. I'm half mexican and half white, so I can see how you might think that."
Customer: "Hmmm no...there's definitely some Italian in there."
Me: " i'm pretty positive there isn't"
Customer: "no, no...its there, I can see it."
Amanda (my best friend who also works here): "I have Italian in me."
The customer looks her over and then looks back at me.
Customer: "hmm i dont know about that, but she definitely does."

Are you serious? Who fights with you about what you I dye my freaking hair dark! I actually just look like a plain white girl with my natural hair color. Idiot.

OOOOOO....and the loomers!!! Holy crap I hate them! Loomers, as I call them are the ones that order and then stand at the counter and wait as if some coffee elf is under the counter, rapidly spewing out drinks so I can be like. "OMG here you go....your drink was made instantly as you ordered it!" and hand them their stupid drink. They will just stand there and watch me make their drink the entire time as if they are expecting me to be all, "MUAHAHAHAHAHA! I am putting rat poison in your drink because I have no moral standards and I hate you for no reason!" All they do is make me nervous and I make more mistakes. Just freaking sit down and be patient.

So yeah my work is a pretty fun place if you get past the weirdos....oh and the chairs... GOD I HATE THE CHAIRS! They are all mismatched and break all the time. We need new ones, but they just keep getting "repaired" until the next person sits on it and it crumbles beneath them. BESIDESSSS THAT...the coffee is fantastic and way cheaper than starbucks and the sandwiches are supppperrrr yummy.

Until next time
<3 Noodle Cakes

Tuesday, April 12, 2011

I think I am a hypochondriac....

     So this is my very first blog and I really don't know what to talk about so I thought maybe I would talk about how I am feeling right now....sick.... This isn't something new to me and I am pretty much used to it, but now I am starting to think that its all in my head. I know that certain illnesses I have are not completely fictional, but I really do get sick way too much and its always weird stuff too. 
     Ever since I was a little girl I have been the weak little kid that had to be kept in a plastic bubble or I would get a cold, or some other random illness so bad that I thought my tiny little body would explode all over my dad who would give me every possible medicine we had in our cupboards thinking that by drugging me, i'd be better by morning. 
*side note* I fucking hate Theraflu! 
     Now that I am older I think I trick myself into believing I have something so much that I start to feel symptoms. Or maybe I am just actually always sick. I have no clue, but my sister says that i need to watch that new movie Switched, because the little boy in it thinks he's always sick and uses web M.D. all the time like I do. 
  I go from thinking I have fibromyalgia to my current thought that I have a tape worm. I'm half kidding when I say I think I have a tape worm, but there is this tiny thought in the back of my head that is making me think......its in there, with its nasty wormy body....wriggling....squirming....and eating my fucking food! 
   *Hmmmm....I think I just described being pregnant. Maybe I should check that out too. =] *
    The reason behind me thinking I have a tapeworm is because I have been eating HORRIBLE and still I am losing weight and I feel weak and my stomach feels like its going to implode in on itself. (I probably just have food poisoning) I like losing weight though so I think I am going to leave Scotch (thats what I named the tape worm) in there for just a little bit so I can look good for my Hawaii trip next month. Yeah good idea. I'm gonna stick with that. 
     So yeah, I probably am a hypochondriac and I will probably die of some weird illness. I used to think cancer, but thats too common. So its probably going to be something like Lymphangioleiomyomatosis. Its a rare lung disease that only happens in women from 20-40 years old and fewer than one out of a million people. Yeah i'm sure im going to get that....*cough cough* omg I have a pain in my chest right now. Yeah I definitely have that. ^ I am too lazy to type it out again or to copy and paste so THAT is what im calling it. 

I hope I live to post another blog. 

K bye. 
<3 Noodle Cakes

P.S. I know my spelling and grammar suck......get over it.